Lamentation

Lyrics: Leah Andreone - "Lamentation"

So, here's my second post. Hopefully this won't be the last. But, i guess i should go on with what i did today? I'm currently a Sophomore but i manage to handle classes that are of some difficulty for my grade level, but not too bad that others and myself cannot handle.

Period 0. Spanish 2
Period 1. AP European History
Period 2. Honors World Literature
Period 3. Honors Pre-Calculus
Period 4. Art Design
Period 5. Honors Chemistry
Period 6. Cross Country/Track

But refraining myself from rambling about how boring my classes are, i think i should introduce you into my personal/social life.

Currently, i've been deliberately in a struggle of learning what a real friend is. Isn't it funny when you're younger...like, Kindergarten and stuff...you tend to make friends in a split second, with just a sight and a couple of words. "Can we be friends?" "Yay! Best Friends"

Well, it's not that simple anymore. High School is a vicious and cruel society in which there are cliques and groups of friends; some being impenetrable to break into a friendship with. But, coming from such a great group of friends in my last year of 8th Grade...i found that i slowly began to lose all those friendships from their high standpoints. Best friends became friends, and slowly into acquaintences. Unfortunately, some even became enemies...and fortunately, some enemies became friends.

Anyway, where i'm trying to go with this...is that right now, i've only gotten one (best) friend that i can totally rely on because i know she'll be there. And her name is Marrisa T. Last year, my rocky Freshman year...i had met two girls who were so nice, kind, innovative, and wonderful in every shape and form.

Ladies and Gentlemen, not everyone is what they seem. We all have faults...but...theirs really seemed to be one i couldn't handle. Don't get me wrong, i can handle most things. Haha, but when it comes to me getting hurt...my patience, my caliber begins to deteriorate.

They're such best friends...i admire them for that actually. Quite a lot. There's moments where i also feel i'm one of their best friends. Whenever they would fight, or when they'd just need me around, i'd come running. But lately...

I don't know...things have been different. Have you ever had a friend that you're there for when you need them and they tell you, "THANK YOU! Man alan, you're so wonderful. I love you! Best guy friend for sure..."

and then...once their problems are fixed...they ignore you like you're a nobody, and don't deserve the credit and attention everyone may need. Have you ever felt taken for granted?

Trust me...i know how it feels. But let's just say...i've almost had it with them. I feel like i'm a thin piece of wood just about to snap in two. Each word, each action they do just slowly brings me into that predicament nearing into the brink of my sanity. I am over dramatic, over sensitive, and i definately think too much. But...it just hurts quite a bit.

I try and hide it as best as i can. I shake it off like nothing is wrong, no matter how bad i am at hiding my feelings. Maybe what's suprising me is that they haven't mentioned anything...no question...therefore no answer.

I don't know right now...but...that's what mostly bothering me. Not to mention, one of them who i'm struggling with had just introduced me to their former friend. She feels like i'm intruding...but then why did she introduce me, almost want me to be good friends as if i'm some sort of spy? Sorry dear, i'm not that way.

Not that i regret it... I think Jasmine is amazing. And right now...i feel she'll be one who'll last. But who knows, people turn on me so much. But i got faith on this one...

And i'll fly solo into my loner love...
While you walk...and play it safe.
Aren't you scared...i'll leave?
Do they mean more than me?

Hmph. This reminds me of the story of my love life.
But that's another story...for another time.

Well, there's my mellow-dramaticness!

Expect a Heroes: The TV Show review tomorrow! I didn't post it today...because i really had to get this off my chest. And plus, my friend had not seen this show yet ;) So tomorrow! Anyways! Alan Out!